Gardening Feng Shui
Aside from tending to my various potted vegetables and my annual array of sunflowers, I find that I spend very little of my time outside in the back garden of my house. You will usually find me glued to keyboard of my PC, playing on my PS3 or re-watching old episodes of Doctor Who for the umpteenth time rather than find me in sat out in the garden. I am generally an indoor person.
This wasn’t always the case. Until recently it would be commonplace to find me sat outside in the garden reading a book, writing an overdue blog entry (a bit like this one) or eating an evening meal alfresco-styley (albeit in all likelihood a microwave curry or a Rustlers chicken burger, but hey, it’s still a meal) like they do in them there foreign countries. So what happened? Why do I no longer spend my time out in the fresh air amongst my sunflowers and spring onions?
Going Holland
On paper the itinerary for our recent trip to Holland didn’t look that promising. Instead of simply taking an Easyjet flight to Amsterdam and booking ourselves into a cheap hotel located comfortably in the centre of the city, it was decided that myself, Graham and Joe would take an overnight ferry to The Hook of Holland and drive to a hotel situated a rather inconvenient 25km north of Amsterdam. It would mean that of our five day break abroad we would spend the equivalent of three days travelling, with only one full day in Holland itself.
On paper this did not look good. Luckily the reality was very different.
I Don’t Want an iPad
Today I found myself browsing my local Apple Premium Reseller for a new laptop (I am in the market for a Macbook Pro, for reasons that will become clear when I’ve actually purchased the thing) when I noticed they had the new Apple iPad on display. Eager to find out whether my preconceptions were justified, I waited for one of the shop’s sales staff to finish polishing and re-aligning the sterile halogen-lit display unit so I could experience the next generation of computing devices.
Nice jumper! Nice hardware! Stupid price.
The verdict? It is a giant iPhone. In fact it is a giant iPhone that weighs the same as a hardback book that cannot be used on flat surfaces, with a screen so shiny that once you’ve got over the shock of seeing the faces you pull whilst web browsing, you’ll be too scared to touch the screen for fear of leaving incriminating fingerprints that could be used to trace your sordid web-browsing history.
Nope, the iPad is not for me, in fact Charlie Brooker’s launch day article sums up my feelings towards it in a manner that my slowly degrading GCSE grade C English will never be able to articulate. Despite my comparative lack of words we come to the same conclusion – you will want to own an iPad, but only when it becomes lighter and cheaper.
Named That Plant
Wilbur
A few months ago I asked you to suggest a name for my new plant. Expecting a torrent of potential names to be submitted from my intelligent and creative readership, I delayed the update of the website in anticipation of the overwhelming response.
Nearly two suggestions were submitted. For the sake of argument, lets call it one suggestion.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that the name of my new plant is: Wilbur! Thanks to Stu for the one and only suggestion, his Pythonesque logic proving that he had put a bit of thought into it rather than just spout out a few random names.
Stu wrote:
How about “Wilbur”
I Quote:
Clerk: Are all your plants called Wilbur?
Praline: There’s nothing so odd about that. Kemel Attaturk had an entire menagerie called Abdul.
Clerk: No he didn’t.
Praline: Did!
Clerk: Didn’t!
Praline: Did, did, did, did, did and did!
Clerk: Oh all right.
Name That Plant
The banana is shown for scale
The latest addition to my never-expanding indoor jungle is this Diffenbachia (Diffenbachia maculata)/Dumb Cane/Mother-in-law plant. It’s called a Dumb Cane because the sap is toxic – it can cause temporary speechlessness when touched to the tongue. It is especially dangerous to cats, which is only a good thing.
Anyway, the plant needs a name. I’ve already got a Peace Lily called ‘Wilbur’ so it’s only fair that the Diffenbachia gets a suitable name too. I’ve asked a few friends and had some rather good suggestions (Geoffrey, Marigold and Stumpy are the current favourites). Can you think of a suitable name for this lovely, yet poisonous plant?
Put your ideas in the comments section below.