In Costco MK I managed to pick up a few bargains for myself. Aside from a rather nice jacket and a really warm full-length coat, I saved a fair amount of money on a bulk-buy of red wine, a year’s supply of red onion chutney (eaten within a month) and a 2.5kg tin of corned beef (a Christmas present for my brother. He still hates me.). But the real saving came when I purchased one-hundred and forty-four Persil Bio Gel washing tablets for £16! At two tablets per wash, that’s seventy-two washes, which is a year’s worth for a singleton like me!

But there is a problem…

Since I started using the Persil washing tablets my clothes have become uncomfortably itchy. I’ve tried adding fabric softener and tried using only one tablet per wash, but it has made no difference – my clothes are itching me like crazy! Of course I could change my brand of washing tablet, unfortunately that would still leave me with about fifty washes-worth of these bloody Persil Bio scratch-tablets to get rid of. I’ve since reverted back to my usual cheap-o-Asda branded washing capsule things, saving the Persil itchy-tablets for washing any non-clothing items.

I’ve learned the lesson that some bargains are not as good as they seem.

That’s right, you read correctly, a Star Trek convention.

I discovered that I had poor vision when we were sat in a hot, sweaty conference room with a few hundred fellow Trekkies at the Leicester Holiday Inn. We were sat listening to various luminaries giving entertaining talks about their time in the Star Trek universe. The charming George ‘Mr. Sulu’ Takei was present, as was the rather witty Max Grodénchik (Deep Space Nine’s half-wit Ferengi ‘Rom’) who had managed to win the audience’s adulation with a comedic re-enactment of Ferengi mating rituals.

At least that’s what I think happened, I couldn’t really make out what he was doing because I had difficulty seeing any great distance in front of me; the people sat in the rows of seats behind me had no problem interpreting Grodénchik’s spasmodic movements but I was clueless, seeing only what I could interpret as a short blurry human-shaped mass strutting across the stage making painful squealing noises. Not wishing to miss any other opportunities to witness minor celebrities make complete fools of themselves, I ensured that we sat near the front for the rest of the convention.

George Takei is very short in real life.

A week or so after the convention, an eye examination revealed that I was indeed short-sighted. I was forced to purchase a rather expensive pair of plain-looking spectacles and endure the sudden, yet predictable jibes from my friends and colleagues.

“Hey, four-eyes!”

“You speccy twat!”

Oh how we laughed!

Over a decade later my eyesight has not improved and the price of glasses has sky-rocketed. Those wrap-round Oakley reactive glasses may have looked the part, but with the frames costing £150 and the special lenses coming in at twice that amount some serious money had to be spent before 20-20 vision could be achieved. As I write this, I am having lunch in my favourite Swindon café (how bohemian) waiting for my new overpriced prescription spectacles to be made by the lovely people at Vision Express. As my prescription now features a ’0.50 prism’ on each eye, I need special lenses that are going to cost just shy of £200!

I think this’ll be the last time I’ll be able to eat at a café for a long while.

Or will it? Last year a colleague of mine introduced me to the concept of ordering glasses online. He’d purchased some specs from Glasses Direct for the princely some of £30. Sure, they weren’t a high-fashion pair with tinted lenses and infra-red night-vision, but they were very nice for the price. As someone who regularly breaks his glasses, either through the rough and tumble one receives working as a heating engineer or through the pain of slamming one’s face onto a quaint, cobbled Dublin street, £30 for a pair of throwaway glasses is a steal! So from now on I’m going to buy my extra specs online.

Oh, and as I now have a prism on each eye, does that mean you can shine a torch in my face an recreate the album cover to Pink Floyd’s The Dark Side of The Moon?

]]> http://www.worldofme.co.uk/2010/02/curse-my-eyes/feed/ 1 http://www.worldofme.co.uk/2007/03/defeatist-2/ http://www.worldofme.co.uk/2007/03/defeatist-2/#comments Tue, 06 Mar 2007 12:19:05 +0000 nige http://www.worldofme.co.uk/?p=581 In some strange way, I am sort of glad that I have managed to procure myself an evil case of athlete’s foot. You see, it’s probably the only sporting ‘accolade’ I will ever receive.

A natural born loser, having been the child who always came last at school sports day, the person who always potted the black at the wrong time in a game of pool, the card player who can never complete a game of patience, I have always consigned myself to never owning, let alone filling a trophy cabinet. To me, this case of athlete’s foot is my bronze medal, my engraved tankard, it is my ironic prize for being inept at competition; a sports-based ailment.

Of course, if there was such a thing as swimmer’s wind or jogger’s sinuses, I’d be a gold medallist by now!